Tuesday, August 21, 2012

In sickness and in health, really ?

In sickness and in health, are we really supposed to, I mean that's really hard sometimes.

If you've ever had to look after someone you might hear where I'm coming from, otherwise you might think I'm a selfish bitch.
I feel like all I ever do is look after people, wipe noses, clean bottoms, change wet beds and bodies, figure out whether that foot ache, head ache, pass out, croupiness, snoringess, hard of hearingness need to see a doctor.
I cannot cope well when it's the husband that is moaning ( and not in a good way) when he is sobbing when he is down when he is limping or vomitting or crouching or even sleeping. Haven't millions of years of evolution meant that I need a strong and healthy mate to help me cope?

I am feeling ever so selfish here for feeling this way. I know of women who have cared for their sick or dying husbands till the end, they never complained at all, they got on with whatever they had to do and were always there for their soulmate.
My partner is off work and has been for a long while now, I know he is struggling, he has had it rough. He is stumbling from one injury to the next with brief periods of feeling good and strong. A knee injury several years ago has impacted his life greatly, it has all of our lives actually.

A recent injury to his back, caused by none other than me, and again ( not in a good way) has thrown him off course again. Before you go thinking of the ways I could have injured his back, I'll just tell you. We have a mouse, a mouse that has twice now been rescued from the mouth of our wanna be cat ( the neighbour's cat wants to adopt us) so this time Eliza had said mouse in hand when said cat came into the house. Hubbie and I ran to stop a third mouse in cat's mouth saga. This hubbie of mine has a weird dress sense, on this particular day he was wearing a floor length yellow blanket around his waist, why?  anyway I stepped on the back of the blanket kind of stopping the blanket under my foot whilst his momentum grind ed to a halt. Needless to say we required an ambulance, and a three day stay in the hospital, all over that.

Of course I have to let him recover, I have to give him time, I have to remind him to take the painkillers and he won't let me put on his socks for him ( that was a rule we made, 17 years ago) I wanted to put on his socks in fact I am better like that, I can do all the bring you tea and food and water and stuff. I just can't cope when he requires no feeding or watering, when he is dopey when he sleeps for 15 hours or when he is just shut away.

Now he's only half better but writing resumes and doing endless hours of research, in his garage/ study,I barely see him. He comes in to the house at night and is crabby and tired and down, I don't even leave him lists anymore of what to do around here like I used to. I haven't even been able to cuddle him at night I'm so tired,  he gets to bed after me, I am beginning to feel a little lonely.

I am needing a little more in health, I am sick of the in sickness part.


  1. hey honey. I'm here if you need me. Sending you hugs and support x

  2. Your plate is full and your cup is running over (not in a good way) and I think he has more than a bad back problem. Ideally you should both be going in to see the Dr together and get things sorted out. You can't go on as things are now. I suspect the kids aren't seeing enough of him either. Hope you get some help soon

  3. Oh Ines this blog doesn't leave a smile on my face at the end like all your family previou adventure stories... You need TLC too minus receiving a blow or injury to get this :-( There's only so much you can do..hope things get better for you really soon call md if you need anything xo (sis)

  4. Phwooar. Rough ride for all. Sorry to hear of your struggle. Hope things get better soon.

  5. I really hope that things start to improve soon with your husbands health, it can't be easy dealing with day to day life adding to that illness. Take care I do hope that you've been able to get some time to rejuvenate to get through this time, may it pass soon. xx

  6. I really feel for you and I wonder if rather than tell him you print out your post and give it to him to read. Add a note of reassurance that you love him and want to work it out. My hubby had a rough trot for a while a got a referral from the Dr to see a psychologist, he said it really helped and it was all free. Finally you need to remember that a man's ego is very delicate and when they feel like they are not providing, being worthy of being admired, or being the strong one supporting their family they can get a bit down. Men need to feel needed. I hope things get better soon.