In our house of four children it's hard to spend time with the kids one-on-one.
With every extra child we've added, somewhere in the equation someone is missing out. It's becoming more difficult to do things together that they'll all enjoy. With a two and a half year old we rarely find the chance to even play a board game. Even just the logistics of getting us all out of the house are difficult enough.
I am finding though that my littlest one is sucking all of the time away from anyone else, even my lap she claims as "just hers." I spend so much time with her - we read stories, we ride round the street on her scooter, she's even given up her day sleeps so she is often found in a heap crying at my feet whilst I prepare dinner. If she sleeps during a school pick up she is awake till nine pm hopping out of bed for the tenth time or needing to go to the toilet. I find myself becoming upset at her on those nights, I feel her taking more from me. The last few months she's even been sleeping with us for part of the night, I wake up next to her every morning. I will admit to you that she is still breastfed. (I hear my family cringing from here.) Nobody in my family really believes in breastfeeding beyond six months, or feeding at all. My girl is two and a half and I am struggling to give it up. I have been away from her for several days and I know we could do it. I just don't want to yet. At the same time I don't want to be the woman in The Slap feeding a four or five year old.
Not because I have an issue with that It's just that I think I'd want my boobs back by then.
At home I find myself resorting to some TV just to get some me time, where I am usually found mopping or hanging out laundry. "Me time" in the house is any moment I can have without a child clinging to me. I took up a gym membership recently which has been amazingly good for me, I am doing balance and yoga classes and some gym work. I finally got the two youngest children into care at the gym, which they love. It's funny but I avoided any kind of care for my littlest, why? I cannot even answer, I don't know why. I have even found myself without friends with children her age.
A long time ago I avoided coffee mornings with the mums from school just because it might be hard, then I found that it just stopped altogether. I didn't make enough effort, now we sit in a café usually just the two of us or with Eliza when she isn't at Kinder. I long for adult company for a group of Mums to chat with,I missed the boat it seems. I see them in the parks and at school, but they're all so clique-y. I am a little hesitant to just join in. I want to be one of the mums not really watching their child because they're engrossed in listening to one of the other Mum's talking about the sex she is or isn't having, more likely though they're talking about their renovation in which case I'd be glad not to have to listen.
I was meant to be writing about how I usually try to get away from my youngest at any opportunity, I love her to death but sometimes I feel crowded, squashed literally I spend about five hours each night sleeping in a 30cm space she has left me. I was meant to be writing about how today instead of getting away from her I took her out one on one, and I really enjoyed it. I took out the very one that takes most of my time, the one that I have a push and pull relationship with. I enjoyed it because, We weren't rushed for time, there were no groceries I had to buy or children we had to pick up or drop off. It was just our time.
I was meant to tell you how we walked to the Lebanese bakery for a pitta the op shop where she found some tiny crocs with butterflies on them, and our local café for a croissant and coffee she even scored a free fresh apple juice. We went to the toy store where we picked up some tiny animals for her, she took care of those little animals all day. She wanted mandarins so we bought some, she again scored a freebie her own mandarin. Round the corner from home she didn't forget that I'd promised a stop at the park, even though my feet ached from my new shoes I obliged, I couldn't let her down.
I realised in writing this that there are some things I am missing, that I am envious of, that there is a lot that I have given up. I also realise that this time is short lived and that it's been worth it.
With every extra child we've added, somewhere in the equation someone is missing out. It's becoming more difficult to do things together that they'll all enjoy. With a two and a half year old we rarely find the chance to even play a board game. Even just the logistics of getting us all out of the house are difficult enough.
I am finding though that my littlest one is sucking all of the time away from anyone else, even my lap she claims as "just hers." I spend so much time with her - we read stories, we ride round the street on her scooter, she's even given up her day sleeps so she is often found in a heap crying at my feet whilst I prepare dinner. If she sleeps during a school pick up she is awake till nine pm hopping out of bed for the tenth time or needing to go to the toilet. I find myself becoming upset at her on those nights, I feel her taking more from me. The last few months she's even been sleeping with us for part of the night, I wake up next to her every morning. I will admit to you that she is still breastfed. (I hear my family cringing from here.) Nobody in my family really believes in breastfeeding beyond six months, or feeding at all. My girl is two and a half and I am struggling to give it up. I have been away from her for several days and I know we could do it. I just don't want to yet. At the same time I don't want to be the woman in The Slap feeding a four or five year old.
Not because I have an issue with that It's just that I think I'd want my boobs back by then.
At home I find myself resorting to some TV just to get some me time, where I am usually found mopping or hanging out laundry. "Me time" in the house is any moment I can have without a child clinging to me. I took up a gym membership recently which has been amazingly good for me, I am doing balance and yoga classes and some gym work. I finally got the two youngest children into care at the gym, which they love. It's funny but I avoided any kind of care for my littlest, why? I cannot even answer, I don't know why. I have even found myself without friends with children her age.
A long time ago I avoided coffee mornings with the mums from school just because it might be hard, then I found that it just stopped altogether. I didn't make enough effort, now we sit in a café usually just the two of us or with Eliza when she isn't at Kinder. I long for adult company for a group of Mums to chat with,I missed the boat it seems. I see them in the parks and at school, but they're all so clique-y. I am a little hesitant to just join in. I want to be one of the mums not really watching their child because they're engrossed in listening to one of the other Mum's talking about the sex she is or isn't having, more likely though they're talking about their renovation in which case I'd be glad not to have to listen.
I was meant to be writing about how I usually try to get away from my youngest at any opportunity, I love her to death but sometimes I feel crowded, squashed literally I spend about five hours each night sleeping in a 30cm space she has left me. I was meant to be writing about how today instead of getting away from her I took her out one on one, and I really enjoyed it. I took out the very one that takes most of my time, the one that I have a push and pull relationship with. I enjoyed it because, We weren't rushed for time, there were no groceries I had to buy or children we had to pick up or drop off. It was just our time.
I was meant to tell you how we walked to the Lebanese bakery for a pitta the op shop where she found some tiny crocs with butterflies on them, and our local café for a croissant and coffee she even scored a free fresh apple juice. We went to the toy store where we picked up some tiny animals for her, she took care of those little animals all day. She wanted mandarins so we bought some, she again scored a freebie her own mandarin. Round the corner from home she didn't forget that I'd promised a stop at the park, even though my feet ached from my new shoes I obliged, I couldn't let her down.
I realised in writing this that there are some things I am missing, that I am envious of, that there is a lot that I have given up. I also realise that this time is short lived and that it's been worth it.
Let me first say that I think you are amazing! Spreading the love between 4 children would be a huge challenge. Next, no need to feel bad about long term breastfeeding. Despite our societies aversion to it long term breastfeeding is perfectly normal and acceptable and is still providing nourishment, antibodies and so many other wonderful things. Stop when it feels right for both of you.
ReplyDeleteThe Munchkin and I struggled through a clingy stage, that looking back I wish I had just relaxed into but was too stressed/untested etc to cope with at the time. Something that did help was an activity I read about in Playful Parenting where you and the child sit down with the child in your lap and starting from the toes you "fill up" each body part with love verbally working all the way to the top of the head. When you get to the top you make like a school kid and pretend to crack an egg on top of their head which is an egg of love that fills all the other little gaps that you might have missed up. Children respond to the feeling of having a store of love, plus the time with us one on one. I may not have explained this well, but it really did/does work for us!
Hugs from one not perfect mummy to another x
Oh I think most mothers understand your post, even the bits you cant put into words. as they say, youre not Robinson Crusoe there. I could never have sat in a cafe w my kids at Circe's age - they just didnt sit still or want to be there. Im up for a coffee any tues or wed am ;) Thanks for adding to your blog - I wuv it, even when its got those labels you put on it samantha xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Samantha, I will take you up on a coffee morning I always enjoy yakking with you.
Deletewe're going through a clingy stage too - exhausting but you're right, when I really pay attention and spend time with her it's just delightful... I just can't do it for twelve hours every day! great post. thanks again. alison. ps - i've found those clique-y groups are usually not as clique-y as I fear, it just takes a little boldness to walk right in... not that I'm great at that.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the vote of confidence, I am just never there either, makes It even harder.
DeleteFour kids! I found two hard! Don't be too hard on yourself and do things that work for you.
ReplyDeleteI think you do an amazing job from what you have shared on your blog. My one suggestion would be that if you can reclaim your bed and get an relaxing un-kicked/wriggled about next to/squished up night of sleep every night then some of the other issues might not take such a toll.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for the positive responses, I was just really needing to get stuff out, thanks for listening.
ReplyDeleteIt's no doubt, no help whatsoever, but I'm gonna say it anyway - IT'LL ALL WORK OUT IN THE WASH! And I reckon it'll work out easier if you stay strict about Your Time. You can't keep up with the giving when there's nothing left. Be kind to yourself, Mama.
ReplyDeleteI'm quite familiar with much of this post. The toddler breastfeeding (Violet is 17 months with no plans to give up for awhile, but my mum always tells the story of how my brother was 3 when he gave up). I sometimes miss the coffee catch-ups too.
ReplyDelete